This week marks the year anniversary of the worst day of my life. I have found myself struggling all week to just breathe. Stop and focus on not breaking down, think of a good memory...no wait that doesn't work that just reminds me of what we have lost as a family better think of something else. The problem is that doesn't work either. For over a month I have dreaded April 28th, anytime you suffer the loss of a loved one you have to suffer through all the days and special occasions without that person. You find yourself remembering what you were doing one year ago on that day. One year ago today at about this time my husband was having a light hearted phone conversation with his brother. They talked about normal brother stuff, they laughed and made plans to play golf and life was as it should be. One year ago today also marks the last day Bryan spent on this earth. My heart breaks every day for my loss because he was more brother than in-law. My heart breaks for my husband who lost his best friend, my heart breaks for my children who loved him and still talk about him daily. My heart breaks for my mother-in-law who lost her child. No one is my family will be the same without Bryan or Uncle Bryan the Richard as my boys sometimes call him.
So what am I going to do tomorrow? That is the question I have been thinking about for over a month. It isn't a holiday but I can't imagine trying to do anything tomorrow. I wanted to find a way to remember Bryan in a positive way so I decided tomorrow I will plant a small flower garden to remember Bryan. This is my attempt at making something beautiful while I remember the beautiful person Bryan was.
I understand what you are going through. 5 years ago this September, I lost my brother in a tragic accident. I remember exactly what I was doing when I got the phone call. It will never leave me. I think of him and how much I miss him every time his little girl needs her daddy. I think about it every time I need my little brother, or my husband needs his best friend. I wish I could say it gets easier, but it doesn't! You are so right to think of the good times and never stop talking about him and telling those stories. I am thinking of you and praying for your family this week!
ReplyDeleteJeff's mom died 13 years ago, and that day is still very hard for him. The whole year of "firsts" is tough! I do have to say that is has gotten a little easier, and this past year was the easiest. I know that things are still raw for you and your family as this day approaches. I will be thinking about you as you make your way through the day. I think the garden will be a good project to work on!!
ReplyDeleteMary Lynn, I'm not even going to pretend that I can relate, because I can't, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletesounds like a great tribute, especially since you thought it up. thinking of your family...
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