Write it down! Why I blog.

Family Fun Day!!!!!  We love the weekends!  Always some family fun to be had!  On the way home from our family fun of burgers at Five Guys and new Crocs from the outlet in Commerce the boys wanted to talk about "when I was a baby".  As in "When I was a baby did I like trains?  When I was a baby did you take me to the library?  When I was a baby what did I play with?"   I have VERY verbal children, very well spoken children.  Their vocabularies are amazing.  They use words that I didn't even know they knew and they use them correctly.  Jackson was pretty much born talking.  I have always written down things they say and do that are so cute.  I could fill a book with Joel's daily comments.  And Jensen is the baby so he is still creating his "when I was a baby" stories.  But last night when I was being quizzed I had endless stories about Jackson but I was coming up short on Joel.  The first born child does everything first and all those cute things they say and do stick.  The baby is the baby, you remember those things because it is the last time it will happen.  But what about my sweet Joel????  My poor middle child who is full of life and love and has a smile that will melt your heart and light up a room.  Joel is known for his thumbs up and his dimple that he wasn't born with but rather made himself. 

So today after I write this blog I will be going back and reading Joel's handwritten journal for baby stories that are all about Joel!  And that is why I blog, I don't want to forget one moment of the lives of my 3 wonderful boys!

An exercise in futility

I am not the best house keeper around (that award goes to my mother or my Mamaw) but I am far from the worst.  I do laundry nearly every day because I can't stand it if I want to wear something or if I want my boys to wear something and can't because it is dirty.  I hate to leave dishes in the sink because the gnats seem to love it.  The first thing I do in the morning is make my bed because I can't sleep on wrinkled sheets.  I iron my husband's shirts because I can iron 5 in the time it takes him to iron 1.  I clean my bathrooms everyday because I have 3 little boys and 1 big one and that is all I am going to say about that.  I sweep my floors at least twice a day because I can't stand to step on crumbs.  I could go on and on but I sense that about now I am getting some serious eye rolls from my friends.

Bottom line is I do all of these things because I want to.  Well that isn't exactly true, I do all these things because of "my crazy", it drives me crazy if it isn't done.  So yesterday when my husband got home he was getting short and curt responses to his questions of how my day was.  Finally he aksed "Are you in a bad mood or something?"  I had to think about it a minute.  No I wasn't, I had a pretty average day of playing with boys and making cookies for Jackson's class and teacher conferences about moving up, normal Mom stuff.   At that moment I figured it out FRUSTRATION!  That was what my problem was.  I vacuum and as soon as I put the vacuum cleaner away I turn around and Jensen is eating crackers on the rug.  I mop the floor and as soon as I dump the mop water out Joel spilled his juice all over the floor because he wasn't paying attention.  I have all the toys put away and Jackson comes downstairs with his arms full and a trail behind him.  I do the dishes and as soon as I go back into the kitchen I see Jason has left a dirty dish in the sink.  There is ALWAYS laundry, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS because I wear at least 2 outfits each day (one of which is for Jazzercise) and Joel changes clothes with his mood and that changes often and Jensen is potty training and accidents are still many and Jackson is a 6 year old boy and yuck just seems to find him.

Now you may think my frustration is in all the "I just cleaned that and now I have to do it again" but it isn't.  I hate to hear someone say "I don't make my bed because you are just going to mess it up again so why bother".  It is annoying, there aren't many things that get done and they are done forever.  Almost anything you do you will have to do again so that is a ridiculous argument for being lazy.  I am frustrated because I sit around and look at my house needs a good cleaning and I can't bring myself to do it because as soon as I finish one room and move on to the next someone has dirtied up the first room.  I am frustrated and being that person, the "why bother" person.  Even if it is only clean for 1 hour I want that 1 hour of uninterrupted CLEAN!  I have vented my frustration to my Mom about all of these before and I am going to repeat what she said to me every time I feel myself getting frustrated this week.  So what were the wise words from my oh so wise Mother?  "Mary Lynn you can have an immaculate house or you can have children."  I chose my boys!  Even if they do bring out my crazy!

Pushing away the bad memories

This week marks the year anniversary of the worst day of my life.  I have found myself struggling all week to just breathe.  Stop and focus on not breaking down, think of a good memory...no wait that doesn't work that just reminds me of what we have lost as a family better think of something else.  The problem is that doesn't work either.  For over a month I have dreaded April 28th, anytime you suffer the loss of a loved one you have to suffer through all the days and special occasions without that person.  You find yourself remembering what you were doing one year ago on that day.  One year ago today at about this time my husband was having a light hearted phone conversation with his brother.  They talked about normal brother stuff, they laughed and made plans to play golf and life was as it should be.   One year ago today also marks the last day Bryan spent on this earth.  My heart breaks every day for my loss because he was more brother than in-law.  My heart breaks for my husband who lost his best friend, my heart breaks for my children who loved him and still talk about him daily.  My heart breaks for my mother-in-law who lost her child.  No one is my family will be the same without Bryan or Uncle Bryan the Richard as my boys sometimes call him.

So what am I going to do tomorrow?  That is the question I have been thinking about for over a month.  It isn't a holiday but I can't imagine trying to do anything tomorrow.  I wanted to find a way to remember Bryan in a positive way so I decided tomorrow I will plant a small flower garden to remember Bryan.  This is my attempt at making something beautiful while I remember the beautiful person Bryan was.

Slacker Mom!

SPRING BREAK!!!!!!  Everyone is so excited!  A week to do nothing but whatever we want!  I had some plans of things to do with my boys all week to make it memorable for them since we weren't planning a trip.  On Friday, the last day of school before the break, Jason and I had lunch with some friends.  They were taking their children to spend the week with grandparents which gave Jason a brilliant idea!  Well he thought it was brilliant anyway.  He called his Aunt Joyce and asked it she would like a visit from 2 of her favorite great-nephews for a couple of nights.  The answer was YES!!!  We love Joycee, she is much more grandmother than aunt.  She is always there for our family when we need her, everyone should have a Joycee in their life.
We dropped the big boys off on Sunday after spending the day with Jason's grandmother.  They were going to spend 3 nights and I would be back to get them of Wednesday.  Now we get to the slacker mom part.  I felt so guilty about dropping my boys off.  I wasn't doing anything that required someone else to take care of my children.  Lazy lazy lazy!  I cleaned my house, I taught Jazzecise classes, I took Jensen for walks, I went to the grocery store without going crazy, I made way too much for dinner, a gallon of milk lasted the whole week.  I was getting an idea of what it might be like when my boys go off to college.  They are off having the time of their lives and I am sitting at home wondering what they are doing and waiting for a phone call, for one of my boys to miss me.
I made it through Sunday night and Monday.  Monday evening I decided to call my boys since they hadn't decided to call me yet and I got the devasting news.  "Mommy we aren't coming home, we decided to stay till Friday.  Joycee said it is fine with her so don't come and get us."  WHAT????!!!!!  I wasn't expecting this from Jackson, he is my boy that misses his Momma.  Even if I an only out for the night.  He ALWAYS wants his Mommy to tuck him in.  I resisted the urge to refuse because I felt guilty about not taking care of my babies.  Afterall spring break is about having fun, it's about a break from your daily grind.  Even if that means a break from me.  So with a semi broken heart and tears in my eyes I said "If it is OK with Joycee it is OK with me."  (I of course cleared this with Joyce).
Finally on Thursday evening my boys came home (they didn't quite make it to Friday).  They rushed to me with hugs and "I missed you", which warmed my heart.  But what made it all worth the week of guilt and missing my boys were 2 comments, one from each boy.  Jackson and Joel's best friends were here when they got home and they of course wanted the boys to play with them because they hadn't seen each other in a week.  Jackson's response "Madelynne I can't play outside right now I want to have a few minutes with my Mommy, I haven't seen her in days."  and  Joel gave me a big hug and told me "Mommy this is the best day of my life!"  I can hear an AWWWWW from everyone reading this now. 

Finding my sanity!

I have been making an effort to make things more fun for me and for my boys.  Some of the things I have done this week to accomplish this are:

-Instead of fussing at the boys for running in the Jazzercise building I played tag with them until customers started arriving.
-Instead of telling Jensen to get off my stage I had him do a routine with me.
-Instead of saying for the 1,000,000,000th time "Jensen DON'T TOUCH MY IPOD!" I found something for him to pretend was his ipod.
-Instead of taking the Nerf guns away from the boys for shooting each other, we set up a shooting range on landscape timbers using the recycling.
-Instead of sending Joel to his room for quite time because he wouldn't quit talking at school I went to his room with him and we talked and talked and talked!
-Instead of stressing about healthy snacks I let the boys eat cereal and oatmeal.
-Instead of worrying about the fact that the big boys cut their own hair and rushing them to get a new haircut, I left it alone.  Jackson is sporting a nice gap in the front but he doesn't mind so I don't either.
-Instead of pushing the potty training I am taking cues from my 2 year old.  When he is ready he will let me know, but that doesn't stop me if I catch him "in the moment" and rushing him to the potty for 1 less poopy diaper to change.
-Instead of losing my cool because Joel is refusing to take his medicine I calmly explain to him why we need it and how proud he will feel when he is feeling better because he took his medicine like a champ!
-Instead of getting frustrated because all my boys want to talk at once and they just get louder and louder, I recognize each one "Ok Jackson, what did you want to say?  OK Joel, now it is your turn, what were you saying?  Jensen do you have anything you would like to tell Mommy or your brothers?"  It seems to be working at least for now.

So those are just a few of the things that have helped me be a little less crazy this week.  And on these rainy days I need as much help as I can get with 3 stir crazy boys!

Working harder!

As soon as I was old enough to notice there are people in the world other than me I have noticed that my mom can't take a compliment.  Every "You look great!" my mother gets is followed by a "Oh yea" (insert heavy sacastic tone).  "Wow this dessert is wonderful."  is followed by "Oh it was nothing, really."  I have fussed at her for years.  Just accept how great you are and say "Thank you".  Now I am a mom and most of my friends are moms and I have found that it must be a mom thing.  I have been working hard lately to lose some weight and I have been pretty successful.  I have been met with lots of "Wow Mary Lynn you look so skinny", "you have lost some weight, you look great" you know that kind of thing.  All these compliments and words of encouragement ususally get the same response "Whatever!!!  I am so not skinny!" or "I still have lots to lose."  Why is it so hard to say thank you???  I think once we become mothers we want to shift the focus from ourselves to others.  For some strange reason as moms we think that if we accept a compliment it means we are making others feel bad.   Like if my mom accepts a compliment on a wonderful dessert she is saying "it wouldn't hurt you to crack a cook book every now and then".  So today and am going to start trying to listen to what I have been telling my Momma for years.  I am working harder at saying thank you and being proud of the things that I do and not making it out to be no big deal.  And my hope is that all my mommy friends will do the same because you are all FABULOUS!

It's all about Jensen!

It's been awhile since I talked a bit about my sweet Jensen and he has changed so much!  He has gone from being a baby, so easy and cuddly and sweet to being 2.  I won't say terrible 2 because he is anything but terrible but at times he is a trying 2.   Into EVERYTHING, if it is within his reach it must belong to him!  He is curious and I keep telling myself that is a good thing.  He is testing his limits and I keep telling myself that is good too but with that comes testing Mommy's patience and that is not good!  I can't count the number of times in a day that I say "Jensen WHAT ARE YOU DOING?????"  Most people who have or have had a 2 year old know exactly what I am talking about.

Well along with the getting into everything and the climbing the furniture and dragging all the toys out and general messes of 2 comes the joy of a 2 year old.  Jensen goes around the house and says: "Is this a toy? No.  Is this a toy? No."  He will say that about 10 times about 10 different things until he finds something he thinks is acceptable as a toy.  It is hilarious!  He prefaces everything he says with "Mommy, can I tell you something?"  For example "Mommy can I tell you something?  I need a diaper change.  Mommy can I tell you something?  I love you.  Mommy can I tell you something?  Can I watch Mickey Mouse?"  Also hilarious!  No matter what you say to him the first thing he says is "What?".  I think it is because you can't always understand a 2 yr old so a lot of the time when he tells me something I say "what?"  because I don't understand what he said.  Either that or it is genetic, my Dad says if the first thing I say is "what?"  then I am about to be less that truthful and I need a minute to make it good.

Jensen is the baby brother with 2 older brothers teaching him all about the world.  They teach him to run and jump and spit and all the boy stuff that Mommy doesn't know about or doesn't want to know about.  They have made him tough, he can hold his own.  As a matter of fact Jackson and Joel come crying to me often because "Jensen hit/pinched/scratched/pulled my hair!!"  I think he is being proactive, trying to teach his big brothers he is not to be messed with.

Being the mother of 3 boys is a constant battle and a constant joy!  I spend most of my day refereeing and cleaning up various messes.  It is all so worth it because I am well paid.  I can't count the number of unsolicited hugs and kisses and I love yous that I get in a day.  Even when I am teaching a Jazzercise class and they can't talk to me they tell me they love me in sign language.  I am often told that in many cultures have 3 sons is considered a huge blessing and I know from experience that is really is!