Knowing me!

How well do you know me?  Most of you know the crazy that I will admit to but have you seen the crazy?  The tiny things that really don't matter but get the best of me most of the time?  I save most of that for my husband and even he is spared all of it.  I mostly spare him because he is so ridiculously rational!  Yes Jason, I know that the chances of my airplane plummeting to the earth are a fraction of a percent.  Yes Jason, I know that I am not likely to be eaten by a shark.  Yes Jason, I know that my boys can ride to the cul-de-sac and not get abducted by aliens.  Yes Jason, I know that the boys can spend the night away from home and not only survive but probably thrive because of it. I know many things.  I know that most of my fears are irrational and not likely to happen but still I worry.

I try so hard to keep it under wraps, to keep my fears from taking over my life.  I won't lie it is difficult but I do it.  This week I worry for many things but I have figured out how to keep it in check.  I don't want to pass on this worry to my boys.  I want them to live happy and carefree lives, with a little caution mixed in (let's be real, I couldn't survive without some caution).  I want them to be boys that grow into great men.  I want them to climb trees and get dirty and ride wheelies on their bikes and crash on skateboards and take risks.  That is the only way they will be successful in the world.  My boys are smart and handsome and caring and perfect in every way but I can't put them in a bubble.  They have to live in the world because soon enough their part of the world will reach further than our backyard.

Jackson wants to be a race car driver.  He zips around in his go kart and has actually flipped it.  He races his boy scout Cub Mobile downhill at nerve wracking speeds.  Thank God for helmets and little boy bones made of rubber!

Jensen ditched the training wheels a few months ago and is all out now.  He builds ramps with his brothers and I have to scream at him to get out of the road often (just ask the neighbors)!




And Joel...my poor sweet Joel!  He is good at everything he tries but he takes risks.  He climbs to the treetops and he races downhill on anything with wheels.  Bless my boy and keep him safe because he knows NO DANGER!


But it is all going to be OK!  They have each other and for as many times as that will cause them to do something monumentally stupid, they will always be there to cover for each other, to help each other to be brothers!  And to be best friends!  And that sets my crazy mind at ease....at least a little!

I have taken a LONG break from my little blog.   I could tell you that I have been busy and haven't had the time with all my mother of 3 running around but the truth is I think I have been a bit lazy!  Besides I will NEVER forget all the cute and unforgettable things my little men do and say.  HA! Yeah right!  So here I am again in 2013 because I just don't want to forget a thing about these perfect little people that drive me to the edge of crazy and then pull me back with a hug!  Hmmm so now to try to remember a year's worth of the funny.....maybe I should have been writing stuff down this year!  Guess I will have to return with my list in hand before I update you all on my 3 sons!  Be on the look out!

Little boys making BIG changes!

Our family made some big changes this week.  Well actually the changes started on Thursday.  My boys had to change schools, note the use of the phrase 'had to'.  Due to some district lines that don't make sense and a record number of new kindergarteners we had to leave our beloved neighborhood school.  Don't get me wrong our new school is FABULOUS, clean and new, with wonderful and caring teachers, room for growth but we are the new kids and I am the new mom.  All my hard work to become a part of my children's school gone (not really but it feels that way), all my friends gone (again, not really but it feels that way).  I was a part of something and now I am back to square 1! 

So this is how I felt all last week:

I pouted!  I pouted at the BOE, I pouted at my husband, I pouted at my Momma, I pouted at my friends.  My boys are fine and I am the one complaining ".....but I don't know anyone at FES!!!!"  More importantly I think the problem was no one knows me at FES.  We attended Open House and I saw many of my friends but I was still pouting:

My boys are excited about their new school and seeing friends.  As a matter of fact Jackson said "Mommy it's OK, I need to make some new friends anyway."  And Joel had a new best friend on Day 1 thanks to Brit Shaw.  So with a little encouragement from my friends and the support of a great new school I am pouting a little less.

Right now I am still homesick for CES and my friends, who haven't gone anywhere by the way but before you know it I sure it will seem like we have always been at FES and we won't be able to imagine life anywhere else. 

Here's to learning how to bounce like my sweet boys!  Peace!



Write it down! Why I blog.

Family Fun Day!!!!!  We love the weekends!  Always some family fun to be had!  On the way home from our family fun of burgers at Five Guys and new Crocs from the outlet in Commerce the boys wanted to talk about "when I was a baby".  As in "When I was a baby did I like trains?  When I was a baby did you take me to the library?  When I was a baby what did I play with?"   I have VERY verbal children, very well spoken children.  Their vocabularies are amazing.  They use words that I didn't even know they knew and they use them correctly.  Jackson was pretty much born talking.  I have always written down things they say and do that are so cute.  I could fill a book with Joel's daily comments.  And Jensen is the baby so he is still creating his "when I was a baby" stories.  But last night when I was being quizzed I had endless stories about Jackson but I was coming up short on Joel.  The first born child does everything first and all those cute things they say and do stick.  The baby is the baby, you remember those things because it is the last time it will happen.  But what about my sweet Joel????  My poor middle child who is full of life and love and has a smile that will melt your heart and light up a room.  Joel is known for his thumbs up and his dimple that he wasn't born with but rather made himself. 

So today after I write this blog I will be going back and reading Joel's handwritten journal for baby stories that are all about Joel!  And that is why I blog, I don't want to forget one moment of the lives of my 3 wonderful boys!

An exercise in futility

I am not the best house keeper around (that award goes to my mother or my Mamaw) but I am far from the worst.  I do laundry nearly every day because I can't stand it if I want to wear something or if I want my boys to wear something and can't because it is dirty.  I hate to leave dishes in the sink because the gnats seem to love it.  The first thing I do in the morning is make my bed because I can't sleep on wrinkled sheets.  I iron my husband's shirts because I can iron 5 in the time it takes him to iron 1.  I clean my bathrooms everyday because I have 3 little boys and 1 big one and that is all I am going to say about that.  I sweep my floors at least twice a day because I can't stand to step on crumbs.  I could go on and on but I sense that about now I am getting some serious eye rolls from my friends.

Bottom line is I do all of these things because I want to.  Well that isn't exactly true, I do all these things because of "my crazy", it drives me crazy if it isn't done.  So yesterday when my husband got home he was getting short and curt responses to his questions of how my day was.  Finally he aksed "Are you in a bad mood or something?"  I had to think about it a minute.  No I wasn't, I had a pretty average day of playing with boys and making cookies for Jackson's class and teacher conferences about moving up, normal Mom stuff.   At that moment I figured it out FRUSTRATION!  That was what my problem was.  I vacuum and as soon as I put the vacuum cleaner away I turn around and Jensen is eating crackers on the rug.  I mop the floor and as soon as I dump the mop water out Joel spilled his juice all over the floor because he wasn't paying attention.  I have all the toys put away and Jackson comes downstairs with his arms full and a trail behind him.  I do the dishes and as soon as I go back into the kitchen I see Jason has left a dirty dish in the sink.  There is ALWAYS laundry, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS because I wear at least 2 outfits each day (one of which is for Jazzercise) and Joel changes clothes with his mood and that changes often and Jensen is potty training and accidents are still many and Jackson is a 6 year old boy and yuck just seems to find him.

Now you may think my frustration is in all the "I just cleaned that and now I have to do it again" but it isn't.  I hate to hear someone say "I don't make my bed because you are just going to mess it up again so why bother".  It is annoying, there aren't many things that get done and they are done forever.  Almost anything you do you will have to do again so that is a ridiculous argument for being lazy.  I am frustrated because I sit around and look at my house needs a good cleaning and I can't bring myself to do it because as soon as I finish one room and move on to the next someone has dirtied up the first room.  I am frustrated and being that person, the "why bother" person.  Even if it is only clean for 1 hour I want that 1 hour of uninterrupted CLEAN!  I have vented my frustration to my Mom about all of these before and I am going to repeat what she said to me every time I feel myself getting frustrated this week.  So what were the wise words from my oh so wise Mother?  "Mary Lynn you can have an immaculate house or you can have children."  I chose my boys!  Even if they do bring out my crazy!

Pushing away the bad memories

This week marks the year anniversary of the worst day of my life.  I have found myself struggling all week to just breathe.  Stop and focus on not breaking down, think of a good memory...no wait that doesn't work that just reminds me of what we have lost as a family better think of something else.  The problem is that doesn't work either.  For over a month I have dreaded April 28th, anytime you suffer the loss of a loved one you have to suffer through all the days and special occasions without that person.  You find yourself remembering what you were doing one year ago on that day.  One year ago today at about this time my husband was having a light hearted phone conversation with his brother.  They talked about normal brother stuff, they laughed and made plans to play golf and life was as it should be.   One year ago today also marks the last day Bryan spent on this earth.  My heart breaks every day for my loss because he was more brother than in-law.  My heart breaks for my husband who lost his best friend, my heart breaks for my children who loved him and still talk about him daily.  My heart breaks for my mother-in-law who lost her child.  No one is my family will be the same without Bryan or Uncle Bryan the Richard as my boys sometimes call him.

So what am I going to do tomorrow?  That is the question I have been thinking about for over a month.  It isn't a holiday but I can't imagine trying to do anything tomorrow.  I wanted to find a way to remember Bryan in a positive way so I decided tomorrow I will plant a small flower garden to remember Bryan.  This is my attempt at making something beautiful while I remember the beautiful person Bryan was.

Slacker Mom!

SPRING BREAK!!!!!!  Everyone is so excited!  A week to do nothing but whatever we want!  I had some plans of things to do with my boys all week to make it memorable for them since we weren't planning a trip.  On Friday, the last day of school before the break, Jason and I had lunch with some friends.  They were taking their children to spend the week with grandparents which gave Jason a brilliant idea!  Well he thought it was brilliant anyway.  He called his Aunt Joyce and asked it she would like a visit from 2 of her favorite great-nephews for a couple of nights.  The answer was YES!!!  We love Joycee, she is much more grandmother than aunt.  She is always there for our family when we need her, everyone should have a Joycee in their life.
We dropped the big boys off on Sunday after spending the day with Jason's grandmother.  They were going to spend 3 nights and I would be back to get them of Wednesday.  Now we get to the slacker mom part.  I felt so guilty about dropping my boys off.  I wasn't doing anything that required someone else to take care of my children.  Lazy lazy lazy!  I cleaned my house, I taught Jazzecise classes, I took Jensen for walks, I went to the grocery store without going crazy, I made way too much for dinner, a gallon of milk lasted the whole week.  I was getting an idea of what it might be like when my boys go off to college.  They are off having the time of their lives and I am sitting at home wondering what they are doing and waiting for a phone call, for one of my boys to miss me.
I made it through Sunday night and Monday.  Monday evening I decided to call my boys since they hadn't decided to call me yet and I got the devasting news.  "Mommy we aren't coming home, we decided to stay till Friday.  Joycee said it is fine with her so don't come and get us."  WHAT????!!!!!  I wasn't expecting this from Jackson, he is my boy that misses his Momma.  Even if I an only out for the night.  He ALWAYS wants his Mommy to tuck him in.  I resisted the urge to refuse because I felt guilty about not taking care of my babies.  Afterall spring break is about having fun, it's about a break from your daily grind.  Even if that means a break from me.  So with a semi broken heart and tears in my eyes I said "If it is OK with Joycee it is OK with me."  (I of course cleared this with Joyce).
Finally on Thursday evening my boys came home (they didn't quite make it to Friday).  They rushed to me with hugs and "I missed you", which warmed my heart.  But what made it all worth the week of guilt and missing my boys were 2 comments, one from each boy.  Jackson and Joel's best friends were here when they got home and they of course wanted the boys to play with them because they hadn't seen each other in a week.  Jackson's response "Madelynne I can't play outside right now I want to have a few minutes with my Mommy, I haven't seen her in days."  and  Joel gave me a big hug and told me "Mommy this is the best day of my life!"  I can hear an AWWWWW from everyone reading this now.