Is this the last time?

Last night was like any normal night at the Tinsley house.  Yesterday was full of homework, snacks, football and soccer games, trophy night, quick dinner of fast food, showers, bedtime tucks, and sleep.  At least once a week Jensen wakes up in the middle of the night.  "Momma, can I sleep with you for a little bit?"  The answer is always yes, he sleeps in our bed for 10 minutes or so and then I carry him back to his room and tuck him into his own bed.

About once a week Joel comes to me after a few hours of sleep.  "Momma, my legs hurt can you rub them for a minute?"  Again the answer is always yes.  I go to his room and rub his legs and give him the few minutes of special attention that he needs until he falls asleep again.  For which I am almost always rewarded with a "Momma, I love you."

Every night when I am tucking my boys in Jackson's ritual is the same, we talk about 3 things, any 3 things he wants and they are never the same.  We talk about our day and about football.  Sometimes he asks about mutual funds (that is when I call his Daddy in).  He talks about college and growing up.  He talks about friends, new and old.  One thing is always the same when we have talked about our 3 things and I get up to leave he calls to me "No Momma please don't go!"  And always I go back for one last kiss and he is ready for sleep.

Last night as I got up to rub Joel's legs Jason said something that hadn't occurred to me "This could be the last time he asks."  It could be!  Last night could have been the last time the Joel would wake up and just need a little time with Momma.  Tonight when I get up to leave Jackson might just say Goodnight and let me go.  Jensen might never hop into my bed at 4am because I am "warm and snuggly".  They get bigger everyday and I love watching them grow.  So for now I will just have to enjoy it when they need me and when they let me hold them and when they want a few moments of uninterrupted time with me because who knows when I might do it for the last time!

He's 5!

Five years, I cannot believe it!  It passed like blinking an eye.  He has grown and matured and changed and yet he has remained my baby and is the same now as we was the moment I met him.  He is a Momma's boy through and through but has come to the age when he wants Daddy to take him to his soccer games.  He runs and rides and wrestles with his brothers as hard and fast as he can but still comes crying to me if he feels his is being treated unfairly or if his feelings get even a little hurt.  He looks up to his big brothers while almost looking one of them in the eye.  He is so big and yet still so little!  My heart swells with love and pride.  I can't contain it!  I want to scream from the mountain tops "THAT'S MY BOY!!!"  That gorgeous, intelligent, loving, self-confident, precocious, bundle of energy is mine.  Thank you Jensen for all you bring to our lives,  Thank you for completing our family!  I wish you would slow down and not grow up so fast but I know you won't, guess I will just hold on and enjoy the ride for as long as you are mine.

Queen of the (under construction) castle!

Oh no, not UDS!!!!!

So the saga continues!  Paint is on the walls (mostly).  Flooring has been ordered (mostly).  Baseboards are going up.  Built-in-eye-sore cabinets are being removed (from the wall at least).  How does it look?  I have no idea!  I still can't see the vision!  I can pick out the 100's of little things that need to be done but I can't do them until the big things are done!   My house has a bad case of what we in the Tinsley house like to call UDS (that's ugly door syndrome for those of you that don't know).  The light fixtures are straight out of 1990, which is weird because the house was built in 2007.  All these things will be changed in time even if that time isn't today.   But I guess progress is progress and my Mom and Dad come to town today!

Before any progress is made!  Stay tuned!

Yay, the cabinets are gone (almost)!

Spoiled Brat!

Here it is!  A picture of my new home, or at least it will be this time next week!  It is lovely, it's a brick home, larger than the one I left, it has a huge yard, it is a cul-de-sac, LOTS of kids, super nice neighborhood, close to town.  It is everything I ever wanted!  And yet I still manage to be less than thrilled!  I am in a wonderful new town where people are nice and friendly.  Everyone is so welcoming and yet I still sleep till 9:30 or 10 everyday because I am sad.

I can make this home everything I want.  I get to pick new floors and new paint colors and new appliances and new light fixtures.  That should be fun!  It is daunting!  It is overwhelming!  What if I make the wrong choice?????  I have never been so indecisive in my life!  Why is this so difficult?  Maybe because I am taking 3 BOYS with me, that have NOOOOOO interest in flooring, or light fixtures, or sinks, or appliances, or paint!

I promise to keep you posted on the progress of the house and post pictures along the way!  Oh and the whole point of this post isn't that I don't like my new home, the point of this post is.....

I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!!!!

Being in the Moment vs Capturing the Moment

I had the strangest dream last night.  It had me tossing and turning and I got very little sleep.  I was franticly running around trying to hold onto memories.  Worrying that I wasn't taking pictures of moments that I would never want to forget.  Even in my sleep I was trying to remember moments with Bryan, my sweet and sarcastic brother-in-law.  Gone too soon.  So many moments with my boys that he is missing, so many memories that we are making without him.  I remember late night conversations we would have long after everyone else had gone to bed.  I remember him coming into my kitchen to check on me because I was baking a cake while everyone else was enjoying happy hour in the living room.  I remember late night knocks on our door open to an unexpected visit.  I remember catching him making early morning departures so he didn't have to say goodbye.  I keep remembering these things that I don't have pictures of because no one takes pictures of those things.

Uncle Bry answering Jackson's many questions

With our 365 albums we watch our lives in snapshots.  We watch our children grow and we capture these moments that no one thought to capture.  My friends are capturing the moments that make up our lives and it's a wonderful thing!  I used to think it was so much better to always be in the moment and not behind the camera but now I see that I can take a quick photo of a sweet 6 year old teaching Jackson to dive and another of Joel carrying his brother across the hot payment because he forgot his flip flops and another running out the door for our last night of bible school.  And then I jump right back into the mix with my drive-me-crazy-rough-and-tumble-can't-imagine-life-without-them-boys.  I prefer the quick break for the photo op to tossing and turning and trying to remember how my boys looked when...

Heading out for our last night of VBS

Action shot of Action Jackson

A teaching moment

Me and my sweet middle and a mouthful of gummies

PBSkids.org he is getting so big!

We are here!

The big move is behind us!  We have been in Jesup a little over a week.  In that week we have done A LOT!!!   Have I mentioned how welcoming everyone has been in Jesup?  How determined everyone is to make my transition and my boys transition as easy as possible? I was having a super healthy dinner with milkshakes at Sonic, which of course made me think of friends at home, so I posted a status update.  Within minutes I got a response which I though would be from one of my super jealous friends but instead was from a new friend "I'll be right there!"  This was my first face to face with a friend who is proving to be worth her weight in gold! 

So in our 10 days in Jesup we have gone to the big night out in Jesup "The Taste of Wayne" where all local restaurants and vendors come out to show off their wares, it was fabulous!  I made a few more friends.  The most amazing thing about this night is I entrusted my sweet boys to 3 other sweet boys for the night.  I was nervous but all they have talked about it going back to Mrs. Connie's house since that night, so I think they were just fine!

We took a not so quick day trip to Clarkesville to sign some papers and my home is officially not mine anymore.  

We made an offer on a house in Jesup which was accepted, so in a few weeks we will be homeowners again!

We were invited to a birthday/pool party.  Super fun for the boys but next time I am taking my swimsuit for sure!

We were invited to VBS!  The boys are still unsure but we are trying it out and hoping to make even more friends.  Mommy met a few more people but the boys are still working on it.

We were invited to spend the day at the pool with a new friend that Mommy met at The Taste of Wayne.

I think all my pictures are on my iphone and I am still figuring out how to transfer everything but be looking for pics when I figure it all out!  But so far our first week or so has not been too bad!   I still miss all my Clarkesville people LOTS but we are all being well taken care of!

A Man Like That! Happy 15th!

This week is full of milestones for our family but the big one is our 15th wedding anniversary.  It doesn't seem possible that this time 15 years ago I was finalizing plans, picking up dresses and champagne and running around like a CRAZY person making sure it was all done for my day, oops sorry I meant OUR day ;).  I have been thinking back to that time in my life and how things have changed.  I think about all the things that made me think Jason was "the one".  I often joke with my friends that we have to be together because I am not sure anyone else could have handled either of us.   The truth is when you are young and in love the things that matter then are different than the things that matter now.  We had chemistry, which basically means I liked the way he looked in his jeans and he thought I had nice legs!  Jason was handsome and smart and driven to do well.  We both wanted children and we both wanted the life we have now, one where he heads off to work and I stay home and care for said children.

We have changed so much, neither of us are the same people that we were all those years ago.  The neat thing is we are still the same as a couple.  Still on the path together even though the path has changed, still laughing together, still enjoying each other's company, still us but a new and improved version of us.  Stronger and better.  Our love has endured lost jobs, new jobs, big moves and small moves, birth of 3 children and the loss of dear family, so many things!   I get it now "for better or worse".  I have known far more "better" but I am so grateful that I had Jason by my side to help me through the "worse" and I feel even more grateful to have been there for him.


The things that matter now are different.  I have a husband who makes me a priority.  A husband who cares what I think.  A husband that will sacrifice to make sure I have something I want.  A husband who would have given up a wonderful career opportunity so that I could stay with my friends if I had asked.  A husband who brags about me to his mother and his friends.  A husband!  The person who knows me best in the world!  And he still thinks I have nice legs!

I love him more that words can say and I probably don't tell him often enough but then again I could tell him every minute of everyday and it still wouldn't be enough.

This morning at my MOPS meeting I attempted a heart felt goodbye.  It was heart felt but far from eloquent.  I took my husband's approach to speaking in public when emotion is involved, know what you want to say but don't script it.   He has brought me to tears on more than one occasion when speaking at a wedding or funeral or goodbye luncheon.  Well the method that works so well for Jason didn't really pan out for me!  So in am attempt to help people understand what I was saying through the tears I decided to blog it!  

As I said this morning, FIVE WEEKS!  That is all I have till I reach the light or end of my tunnel.  The day that seemed so far away is approaching faster than I would like.  I miss my friends that are still all around me.  I think about all the memories I have made in this community, all the friend that I will have for a lifetime.   I have never been too attached to the friends in my life.   I love my friends new and old but I am not very good at keeping in touch.  I have exactly 1 friend that has endured, my cousin Alison.  She has been my best friend for literally my entire life. I have lived a life with the attitude that if you have your family that is all you need.  

My sweet babies when we arrived in Clarkesville

I thought our time in Clarkesville would be short (4 years tops) and we would move on once again having met some nice people and made some fun memories.  But some many of you have become entangled (in a good way) in my life.  So many people are in my daily thoughts even if I don't speak to them everyday.  So many people love me in spite of my brutal honesty and because of that I have learned that sometimes honesty is necessary and sometimes it is kinder to just listen.  I have my friends here to thank for that.

I arrived in this town with 2 babies and I am leaving with 3 young men.  I arrived feeling as though my best friends would just be my hubby and 2 sweet boys and I am leaving with so many dear friends that I can't count them.  I arrived counting only on myself and my husband and I am leaving a group of fellow mothers that I would trust with my boys lives.  I arrived a young (in the world of mothering)mother with so much to learn and I am leaving as  someone that people turn to when they need advice.

Look at my big boys now!  My how things have changed!

And I even made some friends of my own!

This is a big change for our family, an exciting time, a new adventure and I am trying to figure out how to embrace the new life while holding onto the old.  

Much love to you all!  

To Jesup we will go!

So this weekend we took a super quick trip to Jesup!  Delivering some furniture to OUR new apartment!  I have been corrected by my sweet hubby!  I say "We are moving Daddy to THE new apartment."  He worries it is sending the wrong message to the boys, i.e. "Daddy's leaving!"  Rather than the "We are ALL moving to Jesup for an exciting new FAMILY adventure!" message.  

So we get to Jesup and the boys are taking it all it!  One of the boys chimes in "Jesup is LOTS nicer that Clarkesville."  I think it was Joel with his overflowing optimism!  Gotta love that sweet smile and positive attitude.  Then Jensen says "I like Jesup but I don't want to leave Georgia."  Well little man you are in luck.  It was a really long car ride surely after 5 hours we aren't in Georgia anymore???????  Still in GA Jensen!  So now I have 2 happy boys!  Driving through town after we unloaded the trailer Jackson had finally had enough time to take it in (he is my thinker, can't rush to judgement).  He is ready to comment!  "Jesup isn't as big as Clarkesville (wrong) and I am not sure if it is as nice. (no comment)"  Off to dinner, where Jackson was given his own personal pitcher of sweet tea.  "Momma, I like Jesup!"  Imagine that!  All it takes is a pitcher of sweet tea, he really is a Georgia boy!  

Join the Crowd!

So Five Minute Friday....guess I am in!  So what to write about for 5 minutes?????  My tendency to plan and my inability to do so at this point in my life?  My boys?  My looming single mom status (even if it is only for a few months)?  Yes let's blog about that!  STRESS!!!!!   As many of you know we are moving, Jason leaves in a couple of weeks and I will follow with our boys when school is out.  When thinking about all the things that I will have to do BY MYSELF I get stressed!  Yes we all talk about how we do it all without complaint  and then our husbands come in and dust the furniture and want a medal BUT it is all too different when no one is dusting!  When no one is taking the recycling off, when no one is there to help take 3 boys to 3 different places!   When no one is calling to see if you need anything from the store.  I think about that and I stress!  Then out of nowhere the stress leaves for a moment when I remember how much I will miss him!

Knowing me!

How well do you know me?  Most of you know the crazy that I will admit to but have you seen the crazy?  The tiny things that really don't matter but get the best of me most of the time?  I save most of that for my husband and even he is spared all of it.  I mostly spare him because he is so ridiculously rational!  Yes Jason, I know that the chances of my airplane plummeting to the earth are a fraction of a percent.  Yes Jason, I know that I am not likely to be eaten by a shark.  Yes Jason, I know that my boys can ride to the cul-de-sac and not get abducted by aliens.  Yes Jason, I know that the boys can spend the night away from home and not only survive but probably thrive because of it. I know many things.  I know that most of my fears are irrational and not likely to happen but still I worry.

I try so hard to keep it under wraps, to keep my fears from taking over my life.  I won't lie it is difficult but I do it.  This week I worry for many things but I have figured out how to keep it in check.  I don't want to pass on this worry to my boys.  I want them to live happy and carefree lives, with a little caution mixed in (let's be real, I couldn't survive without some caution).  I want them to be boys that grow into great men.  I want them to climb trees and get dirty and ride wheelies on their bikes and crash on skateboards and take risks.  That is the only way they will be successful in the world.  My boys are smart and handsome and caring and perfect in every way but I can't put them in a bubble.  They have to live in the world because soon enough their part of the world will reach further than our backyard.

Jackson wants to be a race car driver.  He zips around in his go kart and has actually flipped it.  He races his boy scout Cub Mobile downhill at nerve wracking speeds.  Thank God for helmets and little boy bones made of rubber!

Jensen ditched the training wheels a few months ago and is all out now.  He builds ramps with his brothers and I have to scream at him to get out of the road often (just ask the neighbors)!




And Joel...my poor sweet Joel!  He is good at everything he tries but he takes risks.  He climbs to the treetops and he races downhill on anything with wheels.  Bless my boy and keep him safe because he knows NO DANGER!


But it is all going to be OK!  They have each other and for as many times as that will cause them to do something monumentally stupid, they will always be there to cover for each other, to help each other to be brothers!  And to be best friends!  And that sets my crazy mind at ease....at least a little!

I have taken a LONG break from my little blog.   I could tell you that I have been busy and haven't had the time with all my mother of 3 running around but the truth is I think I have been a bit lazy!  Besides I will NEVER forget all the cute and unforgettable things my little men do and say.  HA! Yeah right!  So here I am again in 2013 because I just don't want to forget a thing about these perfect little people that drive me to the edge of crazy and then pull me back with a hug!  Hmmm so now to try to remember a year's worth of the funny.....maybe I should have been writing stuff down this year!  Guess I will have to return with my list in hand before I update you all on my 3 sons!  Be on the look out!